Causes of anger and how to control anger in children

In this article I am discussing the causes of anger in children in detail, and being a parent how you can deal with angry and aggressive behaviour of your child. Children are miniature adults and they may show anger, but controlling the ill temper in children does completely rely upon parents. Here is how to control the intense anger in children .

How to control anger in children

Being parents we all have experienced losing our patience once in a while. But we get stressed when we see our kids losing temper. But this kind of annoyance we often find in children is just a normal thing which they will experience in their growing stage. But frequent bout of anger and throwing tantrum over silly issues are something you must ponder over. Because eventually it may grow as a personality trait as the child grows up and if not controlled it will hinder their personality development.

This problem is mostly observed when they are having pretty silly fights with their parents and siblings which is followed by irritable moves like biting, spitting over his friends, hitting or planning something drastic to show his anger.

Causes of anger in children

For every behaviour, there is a cause. Many parents might have experienced the drastic "change-over-behaviour" of their little tot, from an innocent angel to a defiant child. When they are at home it happens under the familiar environment, but when it happens in public places like schools, shopping malls or on the road, parents are trapped into a helpless situation and they are pressured to succumb to the demands of the child. But with little bit of tactful approach, parents can find ways to deal with that. In public places it is parents who need the anger management skills.

  • Negative learning experiences at home or at school can be the pioneer cause of tantrums and anger. Being a parent you have to first detect the negative learning experiences of your child and then work upon it to turn them into positive experience. If necessary, you can discuss the matter with the class teacher of your child, thereby helping the teacher to deal with your child in classroom environment.

  • Another most common cause of anger are health issues. Don't expect your child to be happy if he\she is undergoing any health problems like stomach ache, teeth problem etc. Since it will surely cause irritating behaviour in children, and in a long run, if not treated children may show feats of anger.

  • Inattention by parents: Another very normal cause of anger is, being a parent you are not giving proper attention to your child. Children always wish to be the centre of attention. When a new child comes at home, or when parents are busy with other activities, children feel neglected and that can be a cause of anger.

  • Family problem can be another cause of this problem in children. Children learn fast as everyone knows. And they learn from their parents. If parents or any other family member are stressed out and if they show frequent anger, then children take it as a normal behaviour trait and imitate that.

  • Not being able to think correctly is another cause. Children and often teenagers if not guided properly cannot think logically. This leads them to misunderstand their friends, parents or teachers. And as a result they get depressed and show it in severe ways.

  • In the growing years if the child is criticised strictly by parents or elders they picks this act. They may or may not become a right individual by the criticism but definitely they will learn to criticise others.

How to deal with anger in children

With a little bit of self-control, parents can deal with anger in children. So there are much that a parent can do to control anger in children. That is to let your children learn from you.
  • When your children cannot perform well or not giving enough attention to their learning activities then go to the root of their problem. Do not just impose a rule on them.
  • Do not repeatedly scold your child for their behaviour.

  • Anger in children are normal. If they defies you or your rules it also shows that he is growing up. At three-four years children try to defy their parents. That means they are learning to question any authority. Take this lightly, but don't indulge.

  • Teach your child to think logically. When a child is unhappy with their parents for not giving attention to themselves, or giving attention to a new-born sibling, then spend enough time with the elder one. And guide him/her to think in the right direction and let them know why you are spending more time with the new-born.

  • Time to time health check ups for kids are a must. Notice their teeth, bowel patterns and other parts of the body. Your kid may be suffering from something which they cannot express properly or you are too busy to notice that.

  • Sometimes parents think that they are giving enough time to their child, but the child may still need the company of friends. You might have noticed that no child is happy playing with toys only. They need human company to grow up like a normal person. Playing outside with other kids will help them to achieve social skills, sharing and obeying rules.

  • This is not easy but the most important part. Be the role model of your child. If its possible, control your anger in front of your child.

How to tackle anger in toddlers/two year old: Some easy tips that work

  • Immediately carry them off from the problematic situation.

  • Try to direct the child's attention to something else other than the negative environment.

  • When the child is cribbing about something attend to him immediately, so that it does not go out of control.

  • Avoid getting into debate with the child, or make him understand things immediately. You can do it later when they are calm.

Anger and violence causes

It is quite noticeable, splurging on children has become the current trend. Children do not want most of the play-objects they get from parents or elders as gifts. Parents should not give anything and everything that they can buy with money. This will make child think that they can have anything and everything in life. So when they are denied access to anything at school or at other place they cannot accept the denial. And consequently they do not know how to deal with the anger or denial they may express anger in violent ways. Because most kids of today grow up on a daily dose of films, or violent shows on Television. Here too parents can draw the limit in both cases, by spending enough time with kids and let them learn to accept failure in life.

Anger is as normal as any other emotions in children. We often associate this problem with violence. That's why, when children express anger we tend to think that they will grow up to be a problem creator. But it is not so. Just remember not to loose your mind control if you want to deal with your child's anger.


Author: RAJESH.R19 Apr 2011 Member Level: Bronze   Points : 1

Hai Runa,

You are right all the parents are shouting their child for a simple thing. They are effected very badly on their children. They are always thinking the parents are not loving me. Your advise is very important to all the parents. I am also a parent and i am learning your advice how to behave my children. Thank you runa for your valued advices.

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