How to say No to Children
Has it always been difficult for you as a parent to refuse your child while visiting a supermarket, where your child sets hand on everything asking you to buy them all? Is it really difficult for you to refuse your child when he starts throwing tantrums for not getting things his way? If yes then you are definitely one of those parents who have a problem saying NO to their children for something that is not right. It is common problem for many parents to say No easily to their children as the fear of making their children feel bad or have a bad image hurts parents more. No parent wants to have a bad image in front of their child. There is always an effort to keep up the good image in front of children, but some or the other time parents need to take a firm stand and come up with a simple No for few things that children want to have or to do.
However it may just not be easy for a parent to say No to his child, so most often parents come out with indirect phrase or statement which does not emphasize on a clear No but goes round and round telling the same message. Such act from parents can be bit confusing for the child as the child wonders what his parent means to say with it. Is it that the parent wants to say "Yes", or is it a "No" or is it "Little Later?" or it could also mean "Maybe". However if the message that the parent wishes to give the child is indirect, what is the whole point if not conveyed correctly. In such matters a simple "No" may just do its job, however when parent come out with a straight "No" then they need to stick with it.
Why saying No is so difficult for parents
It is indeed difficult for most of the parents to say "no" to their child. Parents too do mistakes and its normal. Very often we say "yes" to certain things when we actually know that they are not right. For example, when you child wishes to eat a chocolate before sleeping you really want to say "no" from the bottom of your heart, because you know that its not good for his teeth to eat chocolate in the night, but still you allow the child to do so. So why does that happen? Why it is so difficult for you to say no to your child. Here are few reasons why a parent find it difficult to say "No":
- The feeling of the child getting hurt keeps you from saying "no".
- The fear of creating a image of Bad Guy in front of your son wants you to keep away from saying No to your child.
- We always want to see our children happy.
- We don't wish to see our kids upset.
- We don't wish to see our kids whining for long hours just for a small issue.
- We don't have time for our kid's tantrums and just want to avoid it totally.
- We are worried that if we say "no" our child may just skip lunch and starve.
- Few parents think that if they say no, their child may even start disliking them.
- Few parents wish to provide everything to their child which they found it difficult to get during their childhood.
- If saying yes to your child is going to make him happy, then what's so wrong about it
- Most of the parents really worry about the repercussions of saying "No".
It's okay to say "no"
It's okay to say "no" once in a while for certain things that you don't think is right for your child. If a child wishes to play till late, even when he needs to go to school early in the morning, parents have right to say "no" for their demand. If a child wishes to buy a toy or something else only because his friend has it and he too wishes to have it, a parent can definitely say no by explaining the child why they wish to say no. Whenever you decide to say "no" for a certain thing just mean it and don't worry about the tears or the tantrums as the child may manage to throw them in the beginning but once he gets to know how his tantrums will not be entertained he would stop throwing them. So stop harping and behave normally once the incident gets over.
Don't create a big blunder out of this
Once you say "no" to your child for something and explain to him why then just don't keep repeating that every now and then. Kids generally forget things sooner and we should not keep reminding them about it all the time.
Some parents have a habit of allowing their child to buy anything they wish to. In few other cases parents may allow a child to buy things which are really cheap as much as they want, but when it comes to buying expensive stuff the child is being said "No". So parent please be rational. A child does not understand anything about cheap or expensive, for him what really matters is that you allow him to buy sometimes or sometimes you don't. He does not care as a child whether buying few stuff actually create a hole in your pocket. So if you want to stick to certain rules, just stick to it. Be rational and justifiable. Don't confuse the kid by doing things which don't justify your act.
Stick with your "No"
Whatever maybe the case if you think that it is right, than a simple "No" will definitely do its job. However when you take that stand as a parent you need to stick to it! In such cases parents need to keep their stand firm by being ready with all the answers that would be needed to convince the child. When a parent says "no", the child wants to know why and here the parent needs to be ready with a justified explanation which the child should feel rational. Even if the child is angry at the present situation, whenever he plans to think about it, he should be convinced that your stand is justifiable.
Occasional YES is welcome
Once you decide to say "no" for inappropriate or useless things to your child and your child understands them perfectly don't keep on saying it all the time. An occasional "YES" for an ice-cream or toy as a reward for his good behavior or some achievements it always welcome.